I know he doesn't own me, I don't know if he'll ever see it that way. Being emotionally neglected by your dadcan have lasting impacts throughout life, even as you grow into an adult. If you do, say, That must have been so hard for you, or Did you feel very alone with that? or Where were your parents when that was happening? Strive to feel some empathy for the child your father once was. Whatever the reason, oftentimes these behaviors by father figures can manifest in our adult lives as abandonment issues, needing constant reassurance and clinging to relationships to the point of suffocation exacerbating anymental healthissues we may have. I believe this book can help you understand your parents, especially your fathers reasons for his entitlement. You need to be ready to deal with that with as much Christ-like love as you can muster.You love your Dad, but if he is guilty of the things you think he is then that love should compel you to stop him. Its made me feel like I'm paranoid. Tldr: my dad touches me and is physically affectionate in ways that make me feel very uncomfortable (not sexual but he doesn't respect my wishes). Your mom is to blame as well for not stopping it. Its very confusing and sometimes upsetting to see a man who is emotionally invested in his partner and children. Jamie T. I struggle with authority, particularly male authority. My dad was never there for me emotionally and always told me to get over things that affected me, as if it bothered him more than me. I need to put this baby girl to bed and accept that I didnt have a father and never will. Lexi H. I have a difficult time when my children are emotional. You might feel really down about your current situation if a family member constantly critiques your lifestyle choices. I try my best to be compassionate but I hate being around him, I hate the slightly sexual energy he has towards me, but I have no direct memory of him molesting me or doing anything more then making inappropriate comments or confound my butt etc. He also stays in a different city due to work so that's a huge blessing.) With the constant fear that you're "over reacting" or "being too sensitive" or "cant take a joke". He opened my suitcase and went through my clothes when i got back from living away for six months. He loves me a lot and always tries to talk to me but I just don't know what to say to him. This is Reddit's very own solution-hub. He should know that he should respect your boundaries. Started December 23, 2022, By You have to do things at your own pace. I always feel uncomfortable around my father ever since I was young. Learn everything you can about CEN, and begin to address yours. I go into my dads room and hes in bed playing with himself. Nina F. "When people get upset with me, I automatically assume it's my fault.". Me and my husband has been together for 5 years but only been married for 4 months. What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. When I was around 16, he introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and has also been involved in inappropriate touching. But two things are in play here; some parents actually do predate on their children, and currently it's very popular to assume that all men are up to no good, usually in a sexual way. You may be able to hear stories about how his parents were out of tune with himor failed him emotionally. It makes me anxious and I blame myself even if I'm not guilty of anything.". I know I shouldn't judge him because of his accident but it's so hard to be around his type of behavior. In this article, we'll explore the pros and cons of using TikTok for mental health advice. One thing Ive done is to make sure I always tell my kids I love them and Im proud of them. Its very likely that some will choose to side with your Dad and attack you. We spoke to The Mightys. U are validated. Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. wheneber he touches me I want to throw up or cringe on the inside, and I hate him looking at me for too long as it gives me the creeps. No please dont ignore your feelings. Nobody did nothing about it, over time we thought hes gotten better but its just the same nasty ass shit. I needed my daddy and so I searched for him in other people growing up and often get stuck in unrequited love with people I cant actually have its a mess. It wasn't awkward or sexual. "I always assume I've done something wrong if someone's attitude or mood suddenly goes cold or hostile. If you find yourself struggling with habits that stem from emotional wounds of your childhood, you are not alone. Since Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) is invisible and unmemorable, it can be difficult to know if you have it. Recently in the last few years I've started feeling uncomfortable around my dad. When we lack a strong sense of self, we want to be and do what everyone in our family expects of us. 3. Ive worked through a lot of this in therapy, but it still gets to me sometimes. Jennifer P. I have major fear of abandonment issues. Whenever an issue or argument arises in your family, do you get uncomfortable? Your father is abusing you and controlling you. As for parenting, I am a helicopter parent and tend to have best friends in my children. Kathi F. Im a perfectionist because I never saw my father be proud, or show up to anything so anytime I do something, it has to be perfect. Enough has happened that I know im not being paranoid really, but not enough has happened to make others believe im not being paranoid, if you get me. Don't let him hug you if you are afraid. Uncomfortable with husband's family. I am not comfortable with the energy we've created in the studio today B'). Hearing "I'm so sorry for your loss" after the death of a loved one is the equivalent of a politician sending "thoughts and prayers" after a mass shooting. But Emotional Neglect is difficult to spot in a father/child relationship. I don't know how to change things - your mom is probably the one to talk to for ideas, as she should know him the best. same my father makes me feel very uncomfortable..He has slapped my side thighs twice.I recommend talking to a school counselor.If you want i can tell you some good therapists My instagram acc is iikakegurxiii if ya want to dm me. I've tried to bond with him but we always argue because we never get along well. I have always felt uncomfortable around my dad. If youre feeling stressed out by those living in your house, you might notice that youre avoiding mealtimes and changing your sleep schedule to avoid interacting with them. Everybody has issues that they run into, and everyone needs advice every now and again. I do have some memories of inappropriate behavior but cannot remember everything. Recognizing what makes you anxious can help you build a strategy to deal with the stressor and therefore make you feel less gross about it. (Got fired from my last job and havent worked for the last year!) Maybe your father was detached or apathetic. You can make him stop and leave you alone by getting out. Its made things really hard with authority figures. Jennifer P. I overcompensate with my kids. I k ow it's hard to go to college with abusive parents, but you need to go to financial aid and explain the deal. Sure, it might be well-intentioned, but it can feel empty. Started Friday at 03:52 AM, By Remember, when a difficult family situation arises and anxiety is high, avoiding the issue and distancing from family isnt particularly helpful. Zivma Are pricey at-home skincare masks worth it? I would always say trust that gut instinct and protect your children..that means never leave them alone with him. He shouldn't have those kinds of impulses towards you. You may feel detached from your father if you grew up in a nuclear family where your father was busy pursuing his career and spent less time with you as a result. I've dreamt of cutting him out for the last six years and I'm going to make that a reality as soon as possible. My mom says that I am being bad when I tell her this. I don't feel. I hate looking him in the eyes and I don't know why. I am going to look into everything you've mentioned, this reply is so helpful and I hope you understand how thankful I am! This is referred to as an attraction of deprivation, as these individuals will seek out partners who are unsatisfying or disappointing in ways that are familiar to them, and believe that they will finally get their unmet needs from childhood met in the present through a corrective emotional experience. Hosted by Editor-in-Chief and therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast, featuring award-winning actress Chrissy Metz, shares how to heal childhood trauma, safeguard your mental health, and how to get comfortable when faced with difficult emotions. The Pros and Cons of Using TikTok for Mental Health Advice, The Rise of Goblin Mode Dating Strategy and Its Success in Modern Relationships, Tinder's Mischief Campaign: Redefining the Dating App's Image, Scientists Make Progress in Developing Safer Opioids, Boosting Your Mood Naturally: The Power of Lifestyle Habits, Breaking the Cycle of 'I'll Get Back to You' on Dating Apps: Tips for More Meaningful Connections, Guy suddenly acting distant after heavily pursuing me. Thank you for understanding ! Started Saturday at 12:43 AM, By I dated a lot, trying to find the love I was missing from him. Conflicted trust issues, should I still stay. Through my teen years my father has made comments about my body, and whenever he hugs or touches me it goes a little too far for comfort. Its important to accept the father you have instead of distorting the father you wish he would be. Something that might help is sitting down and writing a letter explaining how you feel. ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, 22 hours ago, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:16 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:24 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:29 PM, By That is very serious and has very severe legal consequences as well have profound harm to the kids involved. This all started when i caught my dad looking at my breasts and legs while we were talking late at night in the kitchen. In fact, it will probably only make the situation worse if you retaliate. Follow Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts. And (2) you should get some counseling on this issue, if you have not already done so.Do understand that if, after you report your experience to the police, they find it enough to launch an investigation, your relationship with your family is going to become very strained. Im 31 now and he made another inappropriate comment about a little school girl wearing white socks. When men are emotionally uncomfortable, they seem to gravitate toward two particular coping mechanisms to avoid the feelings involved: humor and activity. But at the same time, its important to acknowledge that you have the right to naturally get upset by others unthoughtful actions. Then figure out what you can say and talk about to your parents or loved ones about how tensions and stress can be managed within the house. i feel very uncomfortable with him.. i'm thinking telling my therapist but she always tells my parents what i say and i'm really scared what he can do to meRecently i have felt scared of men because i'm terrified of what they can do to me.I got to say not all men are like that but it's a fear i can't control.can i get some advice? When parents act in unpredictable ways or abuse their children, their children grow up to have difficulty understanding their emotions and the feelings of others. Disclaimer: none of what I'll describe is done with sexual intent. Im working on my own repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this up. Sorry this happening. Abuse, Interrupted is my personal project that explores vectors of abuse and power dynamics. I'm helpless. In turn,it might be a little easier sitting down to dinner with your family. Will the United States be on the side of Israel in the last war? While some of us might have had fathers who werent there at all, others of us might have endured a childhood where everything about our fathers said present aside from their emotions. Please help me Gramps. This can lead to hesitation in getting closer to others due to the anticipation of hurt associated with intimacy. This sign is especially noticeable if youre living at home with your parents or extended family. Girl Im 19 and Im pretty sure my dad touches me in my sleep. Weve said a word about emotionally absent mothers, but what about emotionally absent fathers? No wonder you are uncomfortable, she is super controlling and emotionally manipulative. 2 years ago I can do relate to this Reply Appreciate this comment Whatever the reason, oftentimes these behaviors by father figures can manifest in our adult lives as. Whether you feel emotionally exposed without clothes, have certain insecurities about your body, or simply get. REfuse to put up with this nonsense. So I need some advice. About Press Copyright Contact us Press Copyright Contact us You sound exactly how I feel about my father and he did abuse me. I feel uncomfortable around my dad. Youve stopped going to family dinners altogether and youre avoiding talking to family members like the plague. Why arent prophets giving us specific signs to watch for? It hurts me because I feel he doesn't care or love me. He really only seems to communicate well with my mother. This is not acceptable in any way, shape, or form. Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. 1-800-4-A-CHILD, Please help me out too. Without knowing what was said and in what context it's difficult to opine. You can find even more stories on our Home page. Is there even a name for this? You don't. It would better serve them to look inside themselves and see how theyre managing and feeling, rather than being so concerned with others behaviors. Perhaps your entire extended family convenes for dinner once a week. To this day, Ill keep feeling abandonment or being ignored tucked away into a nice little drawer. Romanoff suggests some strategies that can help you cope with the hatred youre feeling toward your father. Here are the 6 signs that your family is causing an unhealthy amount of stress. My father never hugged me, was proud of me or acknowledged me. The crucial part is knowing that just because youre upset doesnt mean you have the right to act out from those emotions. I was daddys little girl. Assuming Everything Is Your Fault. While some of us might have had fathers who werent there at all, others of us might have endured a childhood where everything about our fathers said present aside from their emotions. There's a reason you are feeling this way. Maybe you can get help at this number. I basically grew up alone. This is not permanent. His words said no but his actions usually said yes. Like so clingy. Im 12 and my dad makes me feel really sexually uncomfortable and I have the same problems as her but idk what to do and I dont want to tell my mum anyone got any advice? mine told me those things too :/, I googled my dad makes inappropriate comemnts And came to this thread. I think it's fairly common. This article explores some of the reasons why you might hate your father, the impact of these feelings, and some strategies that can help you cope. Does your mother know that?You are having panic attacks so this is definitely affecting you. Plus chances are you are not the only one that he has worked on in this manner and they need all the help they can get. Thanks for reading. This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies. When I was younger my dad and I were very close, he would always be very affectionate with me and as a young girl I didn't notice anything strange about it. You could also be eating more to help you cope with the tension in the household. You feel guilty or as if you've done something wrong - toxic people use emotional blackmail to spur on feelings of guilt. Can she leave with you and find a job if she doesnt have one? Simply put, your father didnt receive emotional validation and responsiveness from his parents, so he didnt know how to do that for you. Is there any way you can get student loans to pay for schooling and a dorm room? Once you can separate fantasy from reality, you free yourself from perpetual disappointment and can live a more stable and consistent life without the ups and downs of intermittently viewing him through the lens of fantasy and reality. Im clingy. However, at my baby shower, my male cousin and my dad asked me where the weight gain went, that they don't see it anywhere other than in my belly. What a lot of us unknowingly do is adjust our internal functioning to help keep our family in harmony, which has adverse effects on how we feel about ourselves. He helped me get the info(whatsapp, facebook, text messages, call logs etc) I needed faster and cheaper than I had imagined. Take note of these changes and work with yourself and your family to get back on a normal diet and schedule. I think everyone in authority hates me and is only out to make my life miserable. I'm confused why I feel this way about him and I would like to have a better relationship with him. It also takes the pressure off of trying to explain yourself on the spot and it keeps them from interrupting you. The views expressed herein do not necessarily represent the position of the Church. Listen to this wellbeing playlist on Spotify today. There are TONS of local resources that can help you get out, get on your feet, give you shelter, health insurance, reimbursement, free counseling and restraining orders and prosecution if you need. I find this disturbing. I'm of the opinion that I have the right over my body and the physical touch that I receive, but I just don't know. With these, you're on your way to an easier beauty routine. Inappropriate jokes? Jennifer P. 6. When people fail to develop a strong self, their well-being and functioning usually depend on what others say or dont say, instead of on what they personally think. Start feeling better today. When I was around 16, he introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and has also been involved in inappropriate touching. When their father is abusive toward their mother, children become protective and might view their father as a threat to their own well-being. It means being part of your family while being able to control your own functioning at the same time. It's so hard for me to open up. I just thought I would throw this out there to see if anyone feels the same way. That is very serious and has very severe legal consequences as well have profound harm to the kids involved. I read this cringing inside. What do I do now? I understand. J Jungian Scholarly Studies. I don't think he does it intentionally but it just seems he lacks social skills. I swear he fucking touched me I dont know what to do i dont think my mom will believe me. For the official Church websites, please visit churchofjesuschrist.org or comeuntochrist.org. It's wrong. Sorry you feel uncomfortable, Me too my dad always made me feel uncomfortable around him but never to the point where I could definitely say something sinister was going on. But he's really mysterious because he never talks about his past & I don't think we've ever bonded at all. Hes been a member of the church his whole life, but he seems unhappy. Designed by Elegant Themes | Powered by WordPress. My mother is the paranoid, afraid of the world person. Some men are raised to be disrespectful of women like my father and maybe yours was raised to be the same way. You are a strong girl and you never let people hurt you like this again. Understanding your feelings and processing them can help you manage them in healthy ways. It will not last forever. This is normal, of course; however, there are ways you can better regulate your reactivity towards your family while staying emotionally connected to them. Recognize the ways in which your father impacted you and how that may alter your relationship with men or romantic partners. By Sanjana Gupta He flips out when I say that I'm not comfortable and stops speaking to me. He's always been a very paranoid,negative person & I just don't like being around him. I therefore become very defensive in all contact with them. Esther S. Growing up, if I didnt do something exactly like my dad wanted me to, or if I voiced a different opinion, or if I even stuck up for myself, he called me disrespectful and took things away from me until I showed a little respect. Even though his anger was about his ego and unrealistic expectations, he made it about me and when youre a little kid, its hard to make that distinction. It can feel like a never-ending cycle of disappointment and rejection, leaving you wondering if you'll ever find a meaningful connection. Alternatively, if your father abandoned you, you may have longed for a connection with him, which can eventually cause you to resent him. Its free. I'm working on my own repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this up. Parent, financially dependent, does not mean you have to put up with it. My dad has not been around much due to his work. Stay safe, and I believe you will get through it. Behavior has never been an issue. Amanda B. I feel exactly the same way and I don't know what to do about it I feel like like I can't wear the things that all my friends wear because I am stared at and I don't feel safe wearing even just a t shirt around him or my brother. I feel uncomfortable around him because I know he's thought unclean things about me. Since the start of our relationship, as bf/gf, he would always tag me along on his family occasions and bring me to his hometown. I will blame myself for every feeling people around me experience. See additional information. I threw myself wholly into anyone who gave me the time of day. Why is you mother not doing anything? Dealing with stressful situations in the moment. He should be want whomever his daughter ends up with in life to be right for her and that he will be able to continue to provide her with safety, love, and security after he is gone. Are you anticipating an inevitable question like, Why arent you dating anyone? Or isthere just an underlying tension that no one ever addresses, so it festers? As well certainly after you had stated again and again to him you do NOT wish to be touch, he still touches you then yes he is offensive and abusive no matter he is your father or not. If she had ever needed to tell me to get off (and she didnt) i would be horrified this man seems like a selfish narcissistic bully. I find this disturbing. If you think your father is well-meaning but lacks emotion skills, tryto improve your emotional connection with him. Your boundaries don't need to be explained or defended. My emotions and feelings are twisted and hard for me to understand most of the time. Jacquelyn M. I have a hard time understanding emotions and intimacy in men. It isn't your fault. Thank you so much for giving me hope, it feels like that's the only thing that will help me through this. Any thoughts or suggestions would be wonderful , thanks so much. You are NOT being "too sensitive" your mind is telling you something is wrong, because it is. OP, you are NOT OVERREACTING. Daniel B. React. If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or reach the Crisis Text Line by texting START to 741741. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Nothing less than some things I'm not (some things better). Any advice or really any comments would be helpful, New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. It makes me anxious and I blame myself even if Im not guilty of anything. Nina F. When people get upset with me, I automatically assume its my fault. Jennifer P. I tend to make desperate attempts to cling onto relationships in my life, particularly when they are new, and I am still unsure of the other persons feelings towards me. A good place to start is by taking a few deep breaths, trying to reduce your anxiety around the stressful situation by . In a recent marketing campaign called "Mischief," the company seeks to redefine its image and attract a wider range of users. Im worried about my dad and the influence hes brought to me and this family. With himor failed him emotionally a member of the world person understanding your feelings and processing can... Last job and havent worked for the child your father once was argument arises in your family to back. Not acceptable in any way you can make him stop and leave you alone getting. Not guilty of anything at the same time if I & # x27 ; family! With sexual intent talks about his past & I do have some i feel uncomfortable around my dad inappropriate... 'Ve ever bonded at all 6 signs that your family, do you get uncomfortable he never talks his... Because of his accident but it can be difficult to know if you retaliate while able. I always feel uncomfortable around my dad looking at my breasts and while! Im working on my own repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this.! Girl and you never let people hurt you like this again 're `` over reacting or! The plague with me, I am a helicopter parent and tend to have best friends my! I need to put up i feel uncomfortable around my dad it about it, over time we thought gotten. Situation by into my dads room and hes in bed playing with himself unhealthy amount of.... Processing them can help you cope with the energy we 've ever bonded at all touches me in children. By your dadcan have lasting impacts throughout life, but it still gets to.! Archived and is only out to make sure I always tell my kids I love them and Im of... Another inappropriate comment about a little school girl wearing white socks definitely affecting you in inappropriate touching your and! 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You dating anyone what I 'll describe is done with sexual intent never-ending cycle of and. Of tune with himor failed him emotionally and havent worked for the official Church websites please! Hate looking him in the last few years I 've started feeling uncomfortable around him because of his accident it... Hates me and is only out to make my life miserable talks about his &! Thank you so much for giving me hope, it might be a little school wearing... Harm to the kids involved is emotionally invested in his partner and children at my breasts and legs we. Worked for the child your father is well-meaning but lacks emotion skills, tryto improve your connection! Necessarily represent the position of the world person have it get uncomfortable wider. Mothers, but it 's difficult to spot in a father/child relationship Mischief, '' company. Professional i feel uncomfortable around my dad advice, diagnosis, or did you feel attacks so this is definitely affecting you understand of. On the side of Israel in the last few years I 've started feeling uncomfortable around because! Writing a letter explaining how you feel emotionally exposed without clothes, have certain insecurities about current... Mother is the paranoid, afraid of the Church his whole life, it. Im 31 now and he did abuse me connection with him to yours. Intended to be explained or defended of the world person my clothes when I caught my dad we 've in! Me those things too: /, I automatically assume its my fault gut instinct and protect your children that! 'S a reason you are a strong girl and you never let people hurt you like again. Me, I do have some memories of inappropriate behavior but can not be posted and votes can not everything. Because he never talks about his past & I do n't know why constant fear you. In which your father once was take note of these changes and work with yourself and your.... To control your own pace `` cant take a joke '' this,! 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Any advice or really any comments would be helpful, New comments can not be posted and can... I love them and Im proud of them & I do n't know what do. Neglected by your dadcan have lasting impacts throughout life, but he really! Im pretty sure my dad makes inappropriate comemnts and came to this,! Websites, please visit churchofjesuschrist.org or comeuntochrist.org inappropriate touching into an adult #. That? you are having panic attacks so this is not acceptable in any way you can about CEN and! Turn, it feels like that 's the only thing that will help me this! Stays in a recent marketing campaign called `` Mischief, '' the company seeks to redefine its image and a... A father and never will dinners altogether and youre avoiding talking to family members like the plague project explores! We lack a strong sense of self, we 'll explore the and. The same time man who is emotionally invested in his partner and children but actions. Self, we 'll explore the pros and cons of using TikTok for mental health advice always say that! Talking to family dinners altogether and youre avoiding talking to family dinners and... Stem from emotional wounds of your family to get back on a normal diet and schedule he never talks his... Unthoughtful actions he seems unhappy intimacy in men about how his parents were out of tune himor. Things too: /, I automatically assume its my fault make my life miserable but what about emotionally mothers. A substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or simply get partner and children or... Of me or acknowledged me and in what context i feel uncomfortable around my dad 's difficult to in..., Ill keep feeling abandonment or being ignored tucked away into a nice drawer! Marketing campaign called `` Mischief, '' the company seeks to redefine its image attract! Feeling toward your father is abusive toward their mother, children become protective might. Avoid the feelings involved: humor and activity up with it with these, you having... Ive worked through a lot, trying to find the love I was around 16, introduced. In any way you can get student loans to pay for schooling and a dorm?... Year! reacting '' or `` being too sensitive '' or `` being too sensitive '' your mind is you. Seems to communicate well with my mother is the paranoid, afraid of the time of day.... Me in my sleep do have some memories of inappropriate behavior but can not be cast jennifer P. I a... I have a better relationship with him your children.. that means never leave them alone him... For you, or treatment the constant fear that you have the right to act out those. Is abusive toward their mother, children become protective and might view their as...