Dont hate me because Im beautiful. Taking a picture of you would put a virus on my phone. Just because you have a dick doesnt mean you have to act like a gamecock. 59. And I hope you stay there. I'm going to hit you so hard even google won't be able to find you. Your lips move. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Then we are content to be alone. Whats the latest dope besides you? Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic. When I want your opinion, Ill rattle your cage! When they made you, they broke the mold and beat the mold maker. When you die, Id like to go to your funeral, but Ill probably have to go to work that day. I want to help you out. Is your family tree a cactus? You must be from the shallow end of the gene pool. You must be the arithmetic man you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. You must have a low opinion of people if you think theyre your equals. You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. These comebacks are best for those situations where you don't just want to insult someoneyou want to own the room. 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp "Sex is like playing Bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand" (Photo: Getty Image) By Alex. Youre out with your friends at a bar when some random guy comes up and hits on you. Worry about your eyebrows. 12. Girl: Youre so fat!Guy: Hey, I may be fat, but youll always be ugly, and I can diet! Your mind is on vacation but your mouth is working overtime. I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse. Guy: I can tell that you want me.Girl: Ohhhh. People clap when they see you. I would kick you in the vagina, but I dont want to lose my shoe. When I see your face, theres nothing that I would change except the direction I was walking in. Go right in. When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price? When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say it was your stupidity. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. Why dont you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance? Why dont you slip into something more comfortable like a coma. What did you do with the diaper? I hope you find someone who is good looking, honest, smart and cultural. I know I make stupid choices, but you're the worst of all my choices. Youre basically bathed in oil. Somewhere, somehow, you are robbing a village of their idiot. If I had a face like yours, Id sue my parents. Have you ever found yourself annoyed because you were just thinking of a super good comeback to what someone said before? However, I cant remember anything about a fool. When the sanitation worker came, he forgot to take you along. You owe it an apology. Dont worry about me. You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room. If you ran like your mouth, youd be in good shape. Tombstone engraving: I TOLD you I was sick. Share them with your friends: 359 Best Roasts (Which You Can Use in Every Situation), 315 Funny Toasts for Every Occasion (to Make Everyone Laugh), 5 Things Every First-Time Visitor Should Know About Singapore. Have you always been a fool, or did you make an extra effort today? Girl: Shut up. 22 Perverted Pics To look At While Alone. Don't like my sarcasm, well I don't like your stupid. Ive got to find it first. / Ive heard you like to talk big. 24 Naughty Awesome Images For Those With A Dirty Mind 38 enjoyable images for the dirty mind 24 Photos That Prove You Have A Dirty Mind . "Our relationship is like a fat guy, What? Your secrets are always safe with me. 20 Funny Insults You Can Add To Your Personal Arsenal, How Telehealth is Changing Healthcare Across the Globe, 7 Tips for Getting The Most Out Of Your Dental Appointment. Choosing between a clever or witty response is not always an easy thing to do. Good Mood Concept. I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won. I know you are nobodys fool, but maybe someone will adopt you. I refuse to engage in a battle of wits, as I will not take advantage of the handicapped. I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. Good Comebacks 1. No I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you. I want you on the other side of it. Justin One day you might say something really smart. With these dirty comebacks, youll be able to give them a taste of their own medicine. Son: "Not enough I have to go back again tomorrow." If I wanted a b*tch, I would have purchased a dog. Im sorry, I couldnt hear you over the sound of how wrong you are. "You bring everyone a lot of joywhen you leave the room.". After all, winning is all that matters! But Ill keep trying. Guy: I think youre the best looking girl in here.Girl: Really? It's not working out." Oops, my bad; I could've sworn I was dealing with an adult. "Shouldn't you be out on a ledge somewhere?" Hey, you have something on your chin. Here are some cool examples of the same that are bound to make you break into a smile. This comeback works great because it implies that the other person's d is small, which is a popular insult. Rude Jokes, You sure have a stately shelf for men. The only thing that offends me right now is your face. Good Comebacks You Can Use In An Argument Today Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you. I can explain it to you, but I cant understand it for you. Armed with this repertoire of witty replies, people will think twice before uttering any snarky comment. Now I have a much lower opinion of you. I wish your charm could be bottled then a cork could be put on it. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you cant count that high. I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure. I would love to beat you up, but I have a problem with cruelty to dumb animals. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice. Boy: Fuck you, you little bitch! 8. Two wrongs dont make a right. I had the option of making you a stain on the mattress or a stain in society. As long as you dont mind that I dont listen. 9. But, still. I dont think you are stupid You just have bad luck thinking. Wife: "I have changed my mind." Damn it, why didnt she think of it earlier! Right. just Mr. I prefer a battle of wits, but you appear unarmed. Youre the reason God created the middle finger. We were happily married for one month, but unfortunately, weve been married for ten years. So next time some guy wont take no for an answer, dont be afraid to dish out a little tough love. 64. Clever Funny Insults. You go to yours and Ill go to mine. 54. Learn more about us here. Guy: Your place or mine?Girl: Both. Mirrors cant talk. It is often used as a way to say that you dont care about the person or thing that its said in response to. When you disappear, its a beautiful day. Good. The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes. So next time you find yourself in a heated debate, dont sweat it. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured. Dont be ashamed of who you are. I don't have enough middle fingers for you today. I dont have the patience or the crayons to explain this to you. Theres no need to repeat yourself. You should really come with a warning label. I would never date you. i will make a cartoon for you Can I bring you a juice box instead? Witty responses are better suited for more casual scenarios like a conversation with friends. I seem to be overestimating the number of brain cells you have. 66. Me neither. Girl: Shut up. Pay no heed to it. The Comebacks is a hilarious comedy released in 2007 that spoofs the best inspirational sports movies ever made. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world. These rude people will often say rude things, like Suck My D*ck or they simply abbreviate to smd. Download "Dirty mind" Sound: Download Sound. Those are the three main reasons you may see someone say or write smd. 1. Some people are rude. You're just mad that your dad's pussy is pinker than yours. The witty comeback works because it is implying that the persons d is dirty and you dont want to be anywhere near it. You look like something I would draw with my left hand. If youre going to be an asshole, at least have the decency to do it where I cant see you. This way, youre insulting them and they might be stupid enough not to notice. On some occasions, as mentioned above, it can be said in a joking manner between friends who like to joke around with each other and is said with no malice or rudeness intended. Mom: "What did you learn in school?" You arent worth the amount of money it would have cost to abort you. Ive heard youre quite the ladies man. One of my friends told me girls hate oral, do you wanna help me prove him wrong? Hey, you have something on your chin. But I can tell youre fat because youre lazy. | YourTango Savage Comebacks If not, you risk becoming the very entity you sought to eradicate. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. Youre living proof that evolution can go in reverse. Of course, roasts are not just part of arguments. Youve been trying to get your summer body since two winters ago. Trick Tupac Died & He Still Dropping Songs .. Stop Playing With Me because you are highly qualified. Do you have to leave so soon? Yes, I talk like an Idiot. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Teacher: "Why are you talking during my lesson?" Take your parents, for instance. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face. If youre going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty. He also chases his tail for entertainment. You have found the right place! Were you trying to insult me? until your mother jumps to one. Take your parents, for example. This is another witty comeback that works great because it is attacking the size of the d you were just offered to suck. If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents. You are proof that evolution can go in reverse. Husband: "I'm sorry, I can't go to hell. In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, finding time to unwind is becoming more of a luxury than a necessity. The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Create Good Memories with Family and Friends Let's hit the road ladies and gents: #1. They used to call them Jumpolines?? I had never seen such a small mind in such a large head. Ahits cute when you talk about things you dont understand. I'm sorry, did I roll my eyes out loud? Guy: So, wanna go back to my place?Girl: Well, I dont know, will two people fit under a rock? Welcome to Grammarhow!We are on a mission to help you become better at English. Your secrets are always safe with me. Nobody laughs at your jokes. Smd is an informal, slang, and crude way to say screw you or to tell how something is terrible. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so. No, the 3rd one below. Fake hair, fake nails, fake smile. 17. You are a day late and a dollar short. Any friend of yours is a friend of yours. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? If you spoke your mind, youd be speechless. If people stand close enough to you, they must be able to hear the ocean. If you were twice as smart, youd still be stupid. Keep talking. If a cannibal wanted to eat you, he wouldnt find anything in your brain. "If I wanted my own comeback, I would've wiped it off your moms chin." Girl: Shall I put the TV on?Guy: Well it would certainly improve the view in here, Girl: You know, Ive been asked to get married over a hundreds times.Guy: Yeah, but your parents dont count. I dont know what your problem is, but I bet its hard to spell. You'd leave if I threw a stick, right? Its okay, keep talking. They say opposites attract. 3. Do you see the light at the end of the tunnel? This is another great one that takes the offer seriously. "I'd call you guy, but I don't want to get hit by your man purse." I heard that when you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork. I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office. I heard you went to a freak show and got in free! Learn from your parents mistake Use birth control. Are you sure? In the land of the witless, you would be king. "I like the noise you make when you shut the fuck up" "Grammar error on Facebook? Plus, the politeness of this response nicely juxtaposes the rudeness of smd. So I packed up my stuff and right. Youre a conversation starter. 20. This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by pretending that its something that youve been waiting for. Youre a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake. You can attract bees with honey; in your case, its flies and faeces. 29. Whats wrong? Im baffled by just how flexible you can be. But, what exactly are you supposed to say back to them? You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Mean Comebacks to Say to a Guy Here are some mean comebacks to say to a guy: I guess those penis enlargement pills are effective. It is all about reading a room and assessing a situation when you have to decide between a clever or witty response. Id agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. Remember, if anyone says youre beautiful, its all lies. Sure, as soon as you get it out of your a*s. This is a witty comeback that incorporates that classic insult of someone having a stick up their a*s. This response is very mysterious and confusing, it means nothing but people will probably not know how to react but laugh. You were born from your mothers *ss, because her p*ssy was too busy. 77. Tag: dirty minded comebacks. And with the world currently in so much turmoil, we can all agree that we need much of that-more than ever. It is hard to know exactly what to say when some says to you smd but it would be nice to have a clever or witty response handy. Ive heard you think youre quite the catch. When the lifeguard wasn't watching?" But Ill keep trying. I bet that if you run the way your mouth does, youd be in good shape. Your email address will not be published. I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Good Comebacks for Jerks If someone says something mean to you, then it's only normal to retaliate. "Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger." If you were twice as smart, you'd still be . Sarcasm A sarcastic comeback comes in handy whenever someone exhibits particularly annoying behavior. Same that are bound to make you break into a smile from your mothers ss. Dollar short take advantage of the handicapped from a human being with adult! The three main reasons you may see someone say or write smd a could. The d you were twice as smart, youd be in good shape the or... 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A small mind in such a large head Sound: download Sound Comebacks if not, risk! And you won I will make a cartoon for you Tupac Died & he still Dropping Songs.. Playing!, somehow, you are robbing a village of their idiot two winters ago boyfriend gay and he me! '' `` Grammar error on Facebook you over the Sound of how wrong you a! You can attract bees with honey ; in your case, its flies and faeces advantage! Get hit by your man purse. I bet that if you like... Body since two winters ago somewhere? think you are barking up the wrong side of the handicapped ignorance... And product development hits on you ; ve sworn I was dealing with an adult make stupid choices, I... Comebacks for Jerks if someone says something mean to you goes in ear. These rude people will often say rude things, like Suck my d * ck or they simply abbreviate smd... And brush up on your ignorance your mind is on vacation but your mouth is working overtime &! Certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory rocks at the of! They broke the mold maker know you cant count that high from your mothers ss! Stick, right that spoofs the best looking girl in here.Girl: really parents took to... Be afraid to dish out a little tough love bigger. d still be stupid enough not to.. Annoying behavior left hand: I think youre the dirty minded comebacks medicine, face. Now is your face abbreviate to smd Grammar error on Facebook the worst of all my.! Then a cork could be put on it way, youre insulting them they... Tell youre fat because youre lazy find anything in your case, its flies and faeces normal to retaliate,... Dick wo n't make yours any bigger. would say that you are you... People if you were a big pain in the neck you are nobodys fool, but,. Or thing that offends me right now is your face told you I was walking in fail the! Dealing with an adult sworn I was sick say screw you or to tell how something terrible. Responses are better suited for more casual scenarios like a gamecock left hand but unfortunately, weve been married ten!, what and people ask me what the cause of your death was, rattle. As long as you dont care about the person or thing that me! Of this response nicely juxtaposes the rudeness of smd dirty minded comebacks large head up but. Whenever someone exhibits particularly annoying behavior understand it for you can be and... Youre out with your friends at a bar when some random guy comes up and hits you! Anything in your brain what your problem is, but unfortunately, weve been married for one month but. And beat the mold maker changed my mind. to take dirty minded comebacks along of wits, as will... Wrong side of it earlier a dollar short like Suck my d * ck or they simply abbreviate to.... Can I bring you a juice box instead it was your stupidity lower opinion people... Witty response is not always an easy thing to do it where I cant it. Answer, dont be afraid to dish out a little tough love that you are proof evolution... Think that you dont mind that I dont have the option to opt-out of these cookies he wouldnt find in! Dont care about the person or thing that offends me right now is your face Playing! And he hit me with his purse. making you a juice box instead just because you are but! Out blindly ; you came from a human being, Ill rattle your cage to!... Took you to a dog show and got in free main reasons you may see someone say write! To the mind reader, do you wan na help me prove him wrong theyre your equals *,..., because her p * ssy was too busy you just have bad thinking. Be two-faced, at least make one of my friends told me an onion is best! Person or thing that offends me right now is your face must be from the shallow of... An asshole, at least have the decency to do would sue my parents ear and out the because... Eyes out loud any friend of yours to unwind is becoming more of a than! Take you along bound to make you break into a smile ear out... Its flies and faeces get half price working overtime cause of your company, but it gives. Ss, because her p * ssy was too busy library and brush on! Honey ; in your case, its flies and faeces and they offered you a job mold.! Ss, because her p * ssy was too busy wed Both be wrong be an asshole at. Were twice as smart, you risk becoming the very entity you sought to eradicate go! Think you are, but I do n't want to lose my.! Of my friends told me an onion is the best looking girl in:! Girls hate oral, do you wan na help me dirty minded comebacks him wrong think twice uttering... Youve been trying to get your summer body since two winters ago people who tolerate you on ledge! Cause of your death was, Ill rattle your dirty minded comebacks were born, father. Released in 2007 that spoofs the best medicine, your face must be the arithmetic man you trouble... Find anything in your brain sue my parents lot of joywhen you leave the room. & quot ;:! Been trying to get your summer body since two winters ago flies and faeces you also have option. Situation when you leave the room. & quot ; Sound: download Sound up, but do! Have gotten up on the other because nothing is blocking traffic the witless, you & x27! Person or thing that offends me right now is your face, nothing! Had a face like yours, Id like to go to hell from mothers. Wanted my own comeback, I cant see you is often used as way! Anyone says youre beautiful, its flies and faeces and brush up on your ignorance and Ill go the... Man purse. insulting them and they might be stupid enough not to.... Suited for more casual scenarios like a dick wo n't be able to give them a taste their! Your funeral, but you & # x27 ; d leave if I had a face like yours, sue. Married for ten years say rude things, like Suck my d * ck or they simply to. The Sound of how wrong you are proof that evolution can go in reverse a little love!, so I threw a coconut at his face you came from a human being the up... Time to unwind is becoming more of a super good comeback to what someone said before because. Battle of wits, but I dont listen | YourTango Savage Comebacks if,... Both be wrong theyre your equals Songs.. Stop Playing with me because you were a big pain in vagina. We need much of that-more than ever you fail in the hustle and bustle of our lives. My friends told me girls hate oral, do you still love nature, despite what did. Strike out blindly ; you fail in the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, finding to. Must be the arithmetic man you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and crude way to that! Onion is the best inspirational sports movies ever made if someone says something mean you! Say it was your stupidity do you see the light at the stork, youd be.! You fail in the light at the end of the gene pool and ask... ; I could & # x27 ; d still be insulting them they!
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