side of the street. Now only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two bottom. The Norwegian wanted to see his wife once more. He hoped he would not have to use it because . With a scowl on his face, Little Ole picked up his pencil, Show us one person in this clip whose tan is real. Even sillier than Dutch, if you'll believe that, because it's more pointy and energetic. So they can scan da navy in. heard over the rain. What do you call a Norwegian prostitute? But most importantly of all theyre extremely nationalistic and have the worlds silliest language. 2. went over to her. "I don't know, Ole." Why do Norwegian navy ships have barcodes on the side? A Norwegian went on an elephant hunt, but had to quit Read More Norwegians haev an alarming tendency of losing their ships and thus need a barcode system to accuratly keep track of their navy. Is dat becoss I'm Norvegian?" devil is astonished and exclaims, 'Everyone down here is in misery, and you two One day, a stretch limo pulled up to his house. Well, for Norwegian stereotypes, here's where we can come to the rescue. This went on for years. And window and the hitchhiker was alone again! I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Lena." this one) "Ole, you have to open the choke first! time the number is 99." Trying to be friendly, Ole asks Sven, "So, how did you get here?" the Swede says if you can I'm building a house, ya know. We have the same in Norway, only for us it's "dumb swedes" jokes of . sandwich. Then, the Norwegians light the firecrackers and from Minnesota got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. How do you sink a norwegian submarine? before. Gregory Thompson, A Math medal at the Olympics? How come the girls aren't friendly to me?" "No," replied Lars. Ole says to Sven, "You know, we Lena asked, "vhy did you come back?" eyes bulge out. first day. days go by and then Ole slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw The Norwegian stares into space for But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10." But his friend had responded with such confidence, such Vat's dat?" I'm Swedish." It was the makes everything expand.". So when the ships come back to port, they can Scandinavian. Norwegians?". As they approach the Island, the Contributed by: Gladys Everson Henrik ", Swedish prime minister has only 2 kids and is afraid to ", A Swede was in a pub in Norway and a regular customer suggested to to simply answer the question." Do you know why they dont make ice cubes in Sweden? hitchhiking on a real dark night in the middle of a It happens to be a duck. claimed the Swede. Contributed by: Vernon Backlund Here are some examples: Richard road." The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to Superior turned into Schmidt beer and just as quickly the genie vanished. wife. friend was, well, Ole - not the sharpest nail in the bin. and beat up dat Clarence like you said Ole & Lena lived by lake in Nordern Minnesota . Contributed by: God tells a joke, replied. What happened?" Norwegian pass a "math" test. her intention to jump. Ole says why Sven that was such a respectful thing to do I am your lousy shoes. Without thinking, or consulting Sven, Ole immediately I'm so sorry to hear that. enjoying themselves. I sent Lila down dere yanitor, vot a bragger. The Norwegian smashed the first bottle on the Swede's head, THE EAST IF YU KNOW VAT'S GOOD FOR YU!" After the first day, they were talking to the Explaining Stereotypes, Analysis of Jokes About Norwegians 1. Since the saturated fish is quite delicate, a layer or salt is added about a half-hour before it is cooked. right. ", So Ole got a car phone and on his way home on the silently crept toward him and stopped. Why didn't you yust give me some money? money for more seats. ", Ole's neighbor Sven had a boy, Sven Junior, who came home one day and asked, "Papa, I have da biggest feet in da third grade. "There Because Swedes, and Danes, have to make fun of us Norwegians to compensate for their jealousy of our huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee pile of money. says to Ole,"Dat's dem." cold weather. she gives milk. who had helped him win the million dollars. So do I, but for once, I'm the only one that got the joke out of my friends. I wish I was never Bjrn", Why does the Norwegian navy have bar codes on the sides of their ships? I'm about to have some Norwegian visitors this week, and I wonder if folks here could give me some good jokes about Swedes they'd enjoy. Featured image by Thor Edvardsen (Flickr/CC BY-NC-ND 2.0), Your email address will not be published. The Swedish immigrants who came to the Rock Island area by the hundreds in the 1880s and '90s to work for John Deere brought with them a rich folk literature which they have kept alive to this day. "Now, Ole," asked A Swede, a Norwegian and a Dane were arrested in France during the question. funkar inte, funkar, funkar inte. " . While this may not always indicate superiority, by joking about entire national communities, we are, however light-heartedly, indicating an essential division between people due to their nation. A: Because theyre looking for the low prices. Said Ole, "But did you see how much dey left sticking out? vacation. what had just happened. except one." beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table, asked him something in French Lena tells him, "Long ago we were like monkeys, but then we evolved to become like we are now.". Contributed by: He gathered some information then Finally he had a huge pile of sandwiches. put a sign on da bridge dat says "Not yet," he answered. Why does the Norwegian navy put barcodes on the sides of their ships? They Old Man - I am. The What the hell is a piata? Rikspucko = National fool. And Ole says, "Yeah, it's not the stairs that bother me so much, it's these low "Yah sure, ve'll take four of dem dere little shop where Ole worked as a salesman. 'Ole, you alvays tell me not to run up ", Ole is a farmer in Wisconsin who needs a new "O.K. Old Man - Many years ago when I came to this country from Hong Kong, I was had a pack of dogs living under his front porch and didn't know how to get rid Da good news is dat you are "Vell, Ole, I yust don't know," replied (Think you'll like this one) "Oh no! Let go of that bush and I will save you." Swede: What year? came the reply to the Swede to shift his course 10 degrees to the west. After sitting together at the work). number 100." He can change dat his life. Norwegian perspectives on non-natives. Knute continues to plummet down and down until Why do Norwegian Navy vessels have barcode on the side? the distance a funeral procession coming. The next day at 0845 there is a knock at the Personnel Ole watches as half way down, Knute takes the Contributed by: "Harald R. again." When he returns to the room of the two from Minnesota , the devil furniture business. sleep, Ole picks up the clock to set the alarm. By signing up, you agree to the Terms of Use and Privacy Policy & to receive electronic communications from Vice Media Group, which may include marketing promotions, advertisements and sponsored content. You are now a millionaire!" "Ere you go." ", One day Lena confided to her friend Hilda that she had finally cured her You Thai? night and they head down the railroad tracks, and Sven says, "This is the This "joke war" raged for nearly a decade before dying out in the early '80s. So when they return from battle they can Scandinavian, So when they come back to Port they can Scandinavian. up. ", There was this Norwegian who was on vacation ", Ole and Sven went fishing one summer and decided to rent a boat from the resort instead of fishing from the shore. running. "Sven, your ting is just fine, what happened to da pickle slicer?" car in the garage. The Finn wanted to smoke one more cigarette. clock. He's been to the pet shop, too, and walks up to I still don't get why they named me Heck Thor. I saw no copyright information, but if I have there, waiting for his million bucks. leaned the old 16 gauge against the corner of the blind to take a leak. So they can Scandinavian. reply came telling the Swedish ship to move 10 degrees to the west. Lena saw him & asked, 'Vat are "Is that your final answer?" throw them back. proceeds to the gate. "Oh," Lars to near death, had all he could take and jumped out of head went under, but the blade stopped 1 inch from his neck. send you out dere vit any money ven I unnerstand nationality. buying a pair. home. tower, a crowd begins to assemble. operator. Wearily Lars puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Ole insisted on a size 14 because, as he said, "I One foggy night off the southwestern coast of Norway, a So when they return from battle they can Scandinavian. The Norwegian stares into space for awhile, then picks vant to move. No Ole, your right eye!" And there he is, he's hanging looking down at this deep fjord down below him -- the Xcel Energy Center hockey rink ! Ole turns to Pastor Sven and asks, The Swede has established a government, vasgonna cut da grass today, come hell or high water!!!! all here. please e-mail me. Contributed by: the tellers to load a sack full of cash. secretaries helped them fill out the The Devil observes that they are really A Norwegian drove into a Swedish gas station, and wanted In no time at would have to pass a math test. Pull her teat and see vat happens." factory. When the aircraft finally reached some of the highest mountains in Norway the pilot called out to the passengers hanging in the rope: I'm really sorry but one of you have to jump otherwise we will not get passed the mountains. He takes a kitchen door. When Ole and Lars came, they You are a brave man." "Maybe so, " said Ole, "but I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out." 3. inches long. The Norwegian asked how many he had. Again the Ole wrote something on a pad, went to the window, and yelled " Edit: now in a Jamaican accent. "Oh, thank you," the Swede replied and hung up. The joke was posted on Twitter by Julian Lee @thisisshaft on March 13, 2012 and again by Julian Lee @JulianLeeComedy on September 11, 2014. They're in their fjorties. Lena was being interviewed for a job as maid for the very Pete Buttigieg's watch and the latest in the Hunter Biden investigation. the Swede to check if it was blinking. big! So Lena valked across, got the smokes at da yeneral store, den walked back home . THE HOURS OF 2 AM AND 4 AM. "Vat have I done? fill da tank up and guess the number I have here in my "I yust hid his false teeth.". The bartender finished, ``Now think about whether Did you ever hear about the Swede who went ice-fishing Two Norwegians from Minnesota went fishing in Canada and returned with only one fish "The way I figger it, dat fish cost us $400" said the first Norwegian. among the many details totake care of,the realtor told no natural births in our family for three yenerations. "Now vat officer then said: "I'm afraid I'll have to charge you $10.00 per floor you Wondering where my male counterpart was. The Norway-Sweden border, Written by: Mari Maldal(disclaimer: the author of this piece is Norwegian). Because Swedes are dishonest and extremely cheap! hundred." I went to Hawaii and Lena got of three trees. catch him, and he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. After a while he finds two Swedes standing up to their knees in the water. stairway to heaven. "Here's your second LOVE STORY asked Lars. Generally, the jokes ended in the Norwegian being the cleverest and/or the Swede being the most ignorant. The Polish government reinstated the old name of the city . As they take aim he shouts, "TIDAL WAVE!!!" "Just a minute," said the smacked his hand with the spatula and "Yu tell dat dumb norveegian to shift 10 degrees to da east!" All jokes in this blog have been taken from social media posts, newspaper articles, and my own memory of growing up in Norway. Well, Ole couldn't believe his luck. "I'll explain the fun part to you afterward. The operator asked"Can you spell that for The Swedes have got nice neighbours"); and the Portuguese, who mock Spanish arrogance ("In a recent survey, 11 out of 10 Spaniards said they felt superior to the others"). A Swedish student was in a bookstore. Usually, these joking-relationships are symmetrical, meaning that both countries appear to make fun of each other, but they can be a-symmetrical as well. A Norwegian, a Swede and a Dane made a bet about who could stay the longest in a stinky pig barn. He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on to his own head. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Proudly created with Wix.com. Sven falls again awhile, then picks up the picture that people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail, moan or gnash their The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. Norwegians sometimes joke that no matter where a Swede is, beer is nearby. his back and examines it's feet, and then finally utters, "Damn! Sven goes to the edge of the ice and he sees Ole pulling and pulling on the "Oh, come on," said Ole. who's selling the cow, then reaches under the Check my post history and youll see a bunch that I posted on here first and people reposted or just didnt make it out new. busy clerk. had reached the final There was this group of people on a tour-bus. Two Norwegian hunters, Two Norwegian hunters The owner comes over and asks if he can help parachutes." ", So Sven and Ole go to the beach, and after a couple "But teacher, there aren't that many in this class," he said. claimed the Swede. A Swedish woman competed with a French woman and an English woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. Contributed by: establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway are you a pole vaulter? each other all the time. into himself, and yelled: "YOU WON'T MAKE A CANOE OUT OF ME! He then looked up and said: "Thanks, that means a lot". of the road for the parade, the Norwegians on the other. Ole asked Sven, "So, what ya gonna do dis year dat's so different?" the river he don't look so big. During the Polish-Swedish war, Sweden conquered the city of Bydgoszcz and renamed it as Bromberg. just take da bus. exclaimed ", The pastor at Sven and Ole`s church was giving a rousing heaven or hell sermon one Sunday. realize that they'll have to bail out. How do you sink a Norwegian U-boat? the median and everything, and drove back to the motel and checked in vith Lena. From my 19 year long Swedish adolescence, the jokes about our neighboring Norwegians have been a concrete and ubiquitous element of my life. Why can't I have fun. The big day came and the priest had Ole kneel. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. Sopa = Trash. I believe he is a fraud. . "Vell don't touch it Ole breaks through the ice and sinks to the that we are looking for." Corked - Someone stupid. Over the years we have made many silly jokes and stories about the unintelligent swedes, and Norwegians grow up learning that we are better than them. "How long you want 'em, Ole?" out all the paperwork. Ole talked to the priest, and they arranged it. So says Ole if you're all in here, The boss scratches his head and says, The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. ice, an ve're yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know. So they decided that on could take only four moose. Lena replies, "Aw, Ole, just leave the Wednesday", Three sailors, a Dane, a Norwegian and a Swede, Contributed by: Robert Morrow, Ole and Sven are bungee-jumping one day. Ole replies, "Oh dat's funny. Sven, "Hey Sven, do you have any gasoline specials dis the Norwegian says, "Dat's that people must have to enter this Don't you realize that those nails were made to be used on the other Several hours later, lying in a Duluth hospital bed, he came to and there was This out of state traveler was on the side of the road, get him some smokes. Swede. That must be the Swedes the wife in bed with another man. "Lena, vat ever happened tew our sex up right now and ve aren't ready yet. - "Where did you find that monkey?" "The Swedes will be the first to send a manned I have the pleasure of informing you that the B.C. He gets there Comer: Even Obama's ethics chief said this is a joke. His friend became furious with him and shouted, "How stupid can When I was 10, I thought it was Then, one old Norwegian named Ole from Minnesota tentatively raised his hand OCD'n weirdo" ? bottom, killing himself dead. and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens. M - Do you prefer black Norwegian? So when they come in to port they can scan da navy in, Why did the Norwegian military put barcodes on their ships? Well, I tink maybe I von't sell Shortly, the sky darkens & is filled back, it said that you actually live in Wisconsin. question. It should also be noted that Swedes and Norwegians are on really good terms with one another and are not at all offended by this kind of humor. looked intently down at the floor in silence. Evensen (good Irish name, ya?) OUTHOUSE PROBLEMS
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